Laying Down the Law

Trick or Treat

2005-10-27T21:02:00.000-07:00

It took me two hours to wash out all that junk that got all over me and all IN MY HAIR from the trash can match. That was the most sick, most disgusting, most filthly thing I've ever had the misfortune to happen to me. You fans make me want to vomit as much as all the nasty trash you put in the trash can did.

Gemini Kid you must have doubled up on your Geritol, watched all five Rocky movies in a row, and got a call from Cindy to hype you up to be able to win that match. It was dumb luck, I slipped on a banana peal some slob dropped on the floor, a miracle, there's just no other way to explain how you won that match. Don't think it's over. Sean Powers offered you a choice... I offered you a choice... and you turned it down to suck up to the fans at the Sports Arena.

Mister Cross, you may have fired me, but Devil's Night is upon us, and I've got quite a treat for you and the fans.

Booo!

Taking out the trash

2005-10-13T22:42:00.000-07:00

Finally I have within my grasp to get rid of a wrestler that has long went past his shelf life in the ring, one Gemini Kid. That's right I made the match and I'm no fool. I've been preparing for this opportunity for longer than anyone would realize. You all thought I was just a meek and humble "office boy" but in reality I've been getting ready to really make my mark in the wrestling world... in the ring!

This weekend I'll have to get a little dirty. You see it's the first ever TRASH CAN MATCH in CWF Mid-Atlantic. And who better to deposit in the trash than the biggest piece of garbage around, Gemini Kid.

I don't normally soil my hands with such common work, that's just what those fans that cheer for Gemini, Ric Converse, Jesse Ortega, Ultra Dragon, and the rest of those goofs do every day. Take out the garbage, clean the toilets, stuff I would never normally do under any circumstances.

But if I have to get a little trash splattered on me in order to stuff that big head of Gemini Kid's into the garbage, it's worth the sacrifice. Because when they haul that trash out this Saturday night, they'll be hauling him out forever!!!! Yes, not only will he be dumped in the trash can, but Gemini Kid will also be FIRED when I win the match!!!!

Oh this is a joyous weekend for sure! I'll be looking for some lucky lady to fix my hair back into place should it get moved out of place during the match. God forbid some nasty tobacco juice splashes up on it when I toss that garbage Gemini into the can.

I really don't want to talk about anything else because I'm so focused on eliminating Gemini Kid forever, but I will touch on it a little. Mister Cross, trying to pull rank on me, ME, the AWA Representative by setting up those title bouts this weekend... let's just say I'm not going to stand for that!!! You may get your way this weekend, but don't gloat for long, because I'll have your job next once I get rid of your #1 boy on Saturday night.

I don't know who did this and put it up on www.cwfmidatlantic.com, but it isn't funny at all. Those girls are probably trash just like Gemini Kid if they would pose for a picture to support him like that! You people make me sick!!!!!

Laugh it up while you can, because I'll get the last laugh on Saturday night when I dump you in the trash, win the match, and fire your @ss!!!!!!!!!

Let's get ready to rumble

2005-09-27T18:35:00.000-07:00

Looking in the mirror today at my manly chest (some lucky lady may get to touch it too), I'm still sporting some hand prints courtesy of Jesse Ortega. CWF Mid-Atlantic made their first appearance in Henderson, NC at the Raleigh Rd. Drive-In. Mister Cross was quite full of himself, putting me in a singles match against Ortega. Well Cross, let me tell you something, I've been getting some top notch wrestling training, but I'm not ready to disclose from whom.

Needless to say, I gave that "El Fuego" a dose of cold water to cool his flames. I bet Gemini Kid was laughing it up too as his protoge blistered my pecs. That's all fine, you guys have a good laugh. We'll see who's laughing this Saturday night at the Carolina Sports Arena in Burlington. It's time for the annual CWF Rumble. A lot of things can be settled in that. I think it just might be the dawning of a new era in CWF Mid-Atlanitc and you better believe that Michael McAllister is leading that charge.

30 people enter, only 1 survives to claim a shot at any Mid-Atlantic Champion. Well here is my predictions for the night...

RGL Title Match: Kid Justice (c) vs. Ultra Dragon

I sure did enjoy Sean Powers beating that masked maniac last time at the CSA. Whipping him with the chain, choking him with the chain, oh yeah that was some Ultra @ss Kicking! Something about that Dragon I just don't like. Mister Cross FIRED Sean for this, I say he should have been given a raise instead! I predict that Kid Justice clips the wings of Ultra Dragon and retains his belt. I've liked this new attitude by Justice and hopefully he will continue to follow that path of "winning is all that matters."

AWA Mid-Atlantic TV Title Match: Mitch Connor (c) vs. ???

Hmmm... I wonder who will have their name drawn to face "A Very Handsome Man" in his first title defense since winning the belt and putting out the fire of Jesse Ortega? My, oh my, I wonder. You know what it doesn't matter who because Connor will win and keep the belt. He loves being a champion (and who really wouldn't). In the locker room last week he never took it off... even though he took everything else off.

AWA Mid-Atlantic Heavyweight Title Match: Garry Stevens (c) vs. Jesse Ortega

Fresh off of scoring the upset of his life and pinning the Madd Trucker to win the 2005 Johnny Weaver Cup, Ortega is cashing in his guaranteed title match for the number one title belt in all of the Mid-Atlantic territory, and quite frankly the stepping stone to the AWA World Heavyweight Title. Ortega, payback is coming to you in spades. You think my chest is hurting, wait until Stevens gets you in the ring again. He's mad (and so I am) and you're going to pay big. Ever seen a little old lady on a walker crossing I-40 as an 18-wheeler comes speeding up at 120mph? That little old lady is Jesse Ortega. You already know who is driving that big rig. Whoop! Whoop!

5th Annual CWF Rumble

30 entries but only 1 winner. Mister Cross has randomly selected the order of entry. Well I don't believe that for a second. I'm willing to bet that Mister Cross has hand-picked the #30 spot for his golden boy, Ric Converse. Well don't even think about it! I guaranteed Mikael Yamaha that spot and he's gonna get it because Brad Stutts' momma gave me another check (you can count on me this time Brad for real!). I really think it would be in everyone's best interest if I selected the order of entry... by random selection of course. Well except for #30 and that is Yamaha's.

Now I know that Gemini Kid has been reading this and he's mad. Yeah do something about it old man. Somehow he's pulled #30 every single year. Well this year your luck is running out. You're number is going in the trashcan. And when I get my hands on you again (and I will) I'm putting your old broke down body in the trash too. I bet Cindy won't like it when you show up smelling like garbage. You can always give her my card, she deserves a real man like me anyhow.

So who's winning the rumble? I predict the following final four: Mikael Yamaha, Tank Lawson, Alex Adonis and Donnie Dollar$. May the best man win! (just kidding Brad!) Yamaha will be able to do what pitiful Gemini has never been able to do in the #30 spot, and that is WIN!

Oh yeah, expect a HUGE announcement from good ol' me this Saturday night. I aim to please the fans so you can expect to be plenty happy when you see me just leave those little kiddies at home.

There's a tear in my beer

2005-09-20T18:15:00.000-07:00

All I can say is "I told you so!"

Oh what a delight it was to see those little kiddies crying after the main event on Sept. 17th at the Sports Arena. Poor, poor, hero to the masses, Ric Converse had his dreams squashed like a bug on the windshield of the Madd Trucker's semi. The fans were all crying and sobbing, you'd think it was a funeral going on. Yes I will admit that Converse had Corino pinned... twice. But the ref was down and out (and not because of the bottle this week, Mister Cross should have assigned a competent referee like Red Jones but alas...) so as they say, "that's the breaks, that's the breaks."

Now Steve Corino is one classy champ. He's the AWA World Heavyweight Champion and good reason too. Anyone who watched the match knows full well why he is the REAL World Champion. Hats off to Corino for busting his tail defending that title all over. And a big thumbs up for making sure that Ric Converse didn't win it.

I also want to address that rematch Corino "gave" Converse. I am going to do everything in my power to make sure that the AWA Mid-Atlantic Heavyweight Champion gets that return match. And that means Garry "Madd Trucker" Stevens will get it!!!!! I am afterall the AWA Representative and I lay down the law here, like it or not.

But back to funerals... I'm going to plan one for the middle-aged and crazy Gemini Kid. I'm counting down the days until we return to the Carolina Sports Arena on October 1st. I have a special surprise planned... well let's just say your lucky streak in the Rumble drawings might not be so lucky this year.

I'm about ready to put on the tights again, Gemini. While you're out on the town in Las Vegas, I've been in the gym. You see the next time I get you in the ring... and it will be sooner than later... I'm going to make you pay. And pay big-time you piece of garbage!

Tell you what, I'll buy you a beer... you supply the tears.

(Addendum)

I was so worked up about my little suprise I forgot to congratulate the NEW AWA Mid-Atlantic Television Champion, "A Very Handsome Man" Mitch Connor. Yes, it finally happened! The streak that took a life of its own. "El Fuego" Jesse Ortega dodged so many bullets defending that title he should be renamed "Bullet Proof" Jesse Ortega.

Well until Mitch finally stopped the successful title defense streak. And it couldn't have been a better man to do it! Way to go, Mitch! I heard that somebody in Wisconsin has a block of cheese on eBay that looks just like him wearing the TV Title! Talk about a premonition!!! I think the Golden Nugget has offered 10-grand for it already.

Now I spoke to Mitch after he won the title and he put the the Mayor of Milwaukee on hold while I was talking to him, but the mayor is going to have a parade for him, present him with the key to the city, he even is supposed to start doing commercials for the Milwaukee Tourism Council! I mean that is the way a city shows they are proud of their own!!! I can't wait to get the TV footage as I am going to personally insert it into the lineup to air. He's a hero to all of Wisconsin, he's my hero, and he should be your hero too!!!!!

From the ashes... or in this case the trash

2005-09-15T18:00:00.000-07:00

The gossip going around the lockerroom this week has been hot and heavy about this weekend's huge "SuperClash" event. For the first time ever, the AWA World Heavyweight Title will be defended in Burlington, NC, and let me tell you it's got everyone talking. Mister Cross has informed me that the reserved seats are moving quickly. Now this is good. I'm glad to see the Sports Arena full of fans... as long as they are not under-aged little munchkins.

So this Saturday history will be made as Steve Corino defends against Ric Converse. You can't imagine how happy I will be to see Corino beat Converse back down to size. You see Converse is the "golden boy" of all the fans of the Carolina Sports Arena and it's no surprise that he receives preferential treatment from Mister Cross either. Mister Cross protected Converse for many months, keeping Garry Stevens from getting his rightful title shot for the Mid-Atlantic Title. Thanks to my fairness, I gave Garry that opportunity and he came through with flying colors to collect the belt and send Converse to the back of the line where he belongs.

When AWA President Dale Gagne was here for the light heavyweight tournament, I made it a point to tell him who I thought should get a title match against Corino. And you can bet it wasn't Ric Converse! I told President Gagne that there were only two deserving challengers here... Garry Stevens and Corey Edsel. After consulting with manager Brad Stutts (who I might add is looking even more dapper than ever in his new attire) and his mother, I decided that Edsel was the man that should get the match (by the way Brad, no refunds on that check, sorry).

I thought everything was all set. Since afterall I am the AWA Representative for the Mid-Atlantic territory, it was a lock. Then Mister Cross pulled another fast one on me. You see he and the AWA Board of Directors went behind my back and selected Ric Converse for the World Title match, AGAINST MY WISHES I MIGHT ADD!

So now we're only days away from the match. I have to admit that Converse has been putting in a lot of extra time preparing for this match... and he should. It's for the World Heavyweight Championship. A REAL World Heavyweight Championship!

So Ric, you give your best Saturday night. But don't be mad that I'll be pulling for Steve Corino and hoping that he crushes your dream. I want to see that pain in Mister Cross' eyes. I want to see those little kids cry. I want to see you go down in defeat! But all I hear is that "Ric can do it" and "Ric has Corino's number" and all kinds of talk about how Ric Converse is going to win the World Title this Saturday night! It's enough to drive me mad! I don't care what everyone is saying, I'm saying it can't be done!!!!!

Wow this is really getting me upset. But not nearly as upset as when I think about the trash. You know, that garbage that you can't seem to get rid of. The stuff the garbage man won't pick up when you leave it by the road. Enough metaphors already, I'm talking about that middle-aged fool, the Gemini Kid.

I heard that you were a little upset about what I wrote about you last time. Tell Cindy I said "hi."

Gemini Kid don't think that my crusade is only here on this blog. My crusade has just begun. Very soon you're going to find yourself swimming in the trash that the fans leave behind. Very soon you're going to find yourself in the ring across from me again. And the next time, there will be a very different outcome. Bet on it just like I'm betting on Corino this Saturday night.

(Addendum)

I was not to pleased to read about me supposedly giving "A Very Handsome Man" Mitch Connor extra title matches against Mid-Atlantic TV Champ Jesse Ortega. It is simply the luck of the draw. Connor's name just happens to keep getting randomly selected. I guess he's as lucky as he is handsome. If I was stacking the deck, I'd select myself because I would love to be the one to end Ortega's streak and then I could laugh in Gemini Kid's face about it too. So there.

No more Mr. Nice Guy

2005-08-31T08:32:00.000-07:00

Well I've had to miss a few weeks posting here because I've been in the gym hitting the weights and doing some super secret wrestling training. No smart remarks you lazy potato chip eating buffalos! You see I was in the main event at Friday Night Fights 3 where I took an unfortunate pinfall loss to Brad Attitude and the unworthy of a rematch for the Mid-Atlantic Heavyweight Championship, Ric Converse.

There was definitely a plan but I think there was translation snafu between the greatest Mid-Atlantic Champ Garry Stevens, Little Billy, and myself, which ended up costing us the match and also ended up giving Brad Attitude a title shot against Garry. Not that I'm worried, as long as Ric Converse doesn't get a shot all is well with the world. Mister Cross protected Converse far too long and now he can see how Garry Stevens felt for so long being held back.

On to more recent encounters. I was the guest on Gemini Kid's "Hot Seat" interview segment last Saturday night at the Sports Arena. I bet the ratings hit a new all time high! As I pointed out how sorry Gemini Kid has been lately, what with him flying out to Las Vegas every time UFC has a fight to hang out with his buddy Ken Shamrock and his questionable relationship with over-the-hill supermodel Cindy Crawford, he seemed to get a little bit of spark back in his eyes. Seeing that, I gratiously offered to set him up in a title match for the night (which he doesn't deserve, remember I gave him a title shot before and he blew it).

Well you would think that middle-aged-and-crazy fool would jump at that opportunity. What does he do? Instead he brings out Mister Cross and those two conspire to put me in a match with Gemini Kid later in the evening! Talk about getting blindsided! What kind of preparation did I have??? Completely unfair and biased but that is what I expect from Mister Cross and Gemini Kid.

You think I was scared? Not at all! Like I mentioned earlier, I've been in the gym and also training because I know how Mister Cross operates. I was more than ready to take out the so called legend Gemini Kid. And I told him to his face, I was going to finish the job that Mikael Yamaha started!

Needless to say I beat that poor old man half to death. I bounced him around the ring like the softball he is and I swear referee Red Jones must be half deaf because I heard Gemini scream "I quit" several times when I had him in the abdominal stretch. Now I know some of you silly fans will protest that I hit Gemini with a pair of brass knuckles. If anyone can provide conclusive video tape footage to prove this, I will eat the trash out of the garbage can at the next TV taping.

Speaking of garbage, you fans that cheered for Gemini Kid when he won that match make me sick. So sick that my war has only begun! I am going on a personal crusade to put Gemini Kid and the fans that support him right where they belong... in a garbage can! Did you see the mess those fans left in the Sports Arena? Hahaha soon you'll be laying in that trash where you belong, Gemini!

Now not only am I the best and brightest AWA representative, but I am going to become the legend killer in the CWF Mid-Atlantic.

Gemini Kid, I'm taking out the garbage and that means you!

PS tell Cindy to give me a call after I leave you in the trash so she can spend some time with a real man like me.

This Saturday, Aug. 6th in Burlington

2005-08-04T18:20:00.000-07:00

Big news for this Saturday night at the Carolina Sports Arena in Burlington, NC!

All you whining fans that have boo-hooed about Ric Converse not getting a rematch (and he doesn't deserve one) just might get what you want after all. I have been in negotiations all week with Mister Cross about what we can do to get Ric Converse and YOUR AWA Mid-Atlantic Heavyweight Champion Garry Stevens in the ring together. You see I determine who gets the title shots regardless of what Mister Cross or you fans think. It is my job to sign the best title matches possible. And while I do not think that Ric Converse deserves a return title match, I may just allow for it.

Let's just say that this Saturday night you'll want to hear what I have agreed to. Ric Converse.... you better listen closely too because I have a special surprise for you!

And he's not the only one I have a surprise for. Jesse Ortega, I haven't forgotten about you threatening me like you did. You better hold on tight to that Mid-Atlantic TV Title belt because your days are numbered too!

Remember - Leave your kids at home this Saturday night. They caused me all kinds of grief last weekend by constanting tattling on me to AWA President Dale Gagne and I'm sure this cost me the promotion that I deserve!

AWA World Light Hwt. Title Tournament Thoughts

2005-08-04T15:09:00.000-07:00

Well the AWA World Light Hwt. Title Tournament is over and what a weekend it was. Whether you were there or not, you should buy this on DVD. It will be a Triple DVD set and should be available in about two weeks. Absolutely outstanding event from beginning to end.

Of course my favored selections didn't win. Gregory Vercetti had informed me that he was a 4:1 odds on favorite according to his "family" that handles certain friendly betting establishments. I took it on his word that my money was a sure thing and placed a tidy sum on Vercetti to make the finals. Unfortunately he was eliminated by Xsiris in the 2nd round of action. Xsiris you owe me some money for that!!!!!

I must say a big thanks to Utah's Stevie Slick for his support of me keeping my job. It was his vote from the Board of Directors that saved me. Don't think I won't remember that either!

Now that weekend I took it upon myself to make sure that AWA President Dale Gagne was well taken care of. I even had his car washed & waxed (and it was a rental!). I was sure that I was getting a promotion on Saturday night but much to my surprise he forced me to apologize to all the fans for my past behavior. Then he gave me a "new job" as the ring announcer for the night! Can you believe that???? Me!!! That is redneck Randoph Hedrick's job! This was quite upsetting to me and I know that Mister Cross and that stupid petition that the ankle biting munchins started was why this happened.

While I may not be happy about Krazy K winning the tournament, I must admit he fought like a true champion. And now that he is champion.... it's my turn to line up some challengers for him!

Tomorrow night at the Sports Arena

2005-07-22T17:30:00.000-07:00

I want to personally invite everyone to the Carolina Sports Arena tommorow night (July 23rd) as I will once again have a very important announcement to make. As the official AWA Representative in charge of securing the championship matches, I must address the recent title change from Friday Night Fights 2, where Garry Stevens defeated Ric Converse to win the title.

I know how much you people really love me and you wouldn't want to miss this very important statement. I'll be "big pimping" so make sure you all dress appropriately for my appearance. No kids please.

The Johnny Weaver Cup Tournament matches continue and I would like to make a couple of predictions on those matches.

This Saturday:

Sean Powers vs. Jesse Ortega
Powers is going to douse "El Fuego" like the Greensboro Fire Department. I also ruled that Ortega's tournament matches, since they are being taped for TV, will also be for his AWA Mid-Atlantic Television Title for the first ten minutes of each match. With that being understood, I am going on record to say that Powers will not only win the match, but will also capture the TV Title. Uncle Ivan will be so proud! And I will be very happy to see someone put Ortega in his place. Don't you dare lay another hand on me again, Ortega!

Mitch Connor vs. Rob McBride
When I looked over the petition to have me fired that those little curtain climbers passed around, I noticed that the "Boogie Woogie Man" Rob McBride had also signed it! You know who's name wasn't on it? "A Very Handsome Man" Mitch Connor (and I say that in a totally heterosexual manner). Connor also has taken the time to tell me what a great job I am doing as the AWA Representative and expressed his disgust with this crazy petition that has caused so much trouble for me. I think that Connor will defeat The Boogie Man in short fashion. Let's face it, Mitch Connor looks just as great wrestling in the ring as he does in his bowtie before the match.

Which will give us a great semi-final in August of Mitch Connor vs. Sean Powers with the TV Title on the line the first 10-minutes of the match.

August 6th we'll see the other two quarterfinal matches as Corey Edsel vs. Ric Converse and also Garry Stevens vs. Brass Munkey. I'll go ahead and pick these matches as well since they are so easy. I think I will call up my friends in Las Vegas to see how much money I can put on this final four. I may be wearing a new Armani suit for the finals.

Edsel will beat Converse and beat him like a rag doll. This man is full of rage and that is what wins matches. That and a great manager equals success. Stevens will eliminate Brass Munkey from the tournament as well as from his existance in life. I would bet that Brad Stutts gives Stevens a big fat bonus check from mamma Stutts for his good efforts. Speaking of Brad Stutts, I think he is a brillant manager and just all around great guy. Why you morons boo him I will never understand. Brad call me I have some important news for you about a certain match you wanted. Just make sure mamma Stutts spells my name correctly.

That gives us Powers/Connor and Edsel/Stevens for the final four. I cannot think of a greater final four than that. That is better than a Big Four - Final Four in the NCAAA tournament. I hate to pick it down to the final two. The good thing is that no matter who wins, we all win because these are the best four wrestlers in the whole tournament and I am not biased in any manner whatsoever and my personal hate for Ric Converse, Jesse Ortega, Rob McBride and Brass Munkey has nothing to do with it nor does the fact that they all did sign the petition to have me fired.

I'm going to go with Connor vs. Stevens for the finals. As much as I want to pick Mitch Connor to win, I don't think that the Madd Trucker would be so nice to me if I did so I'll take Stevens to win (sorry Mitch!).

Like it or not, that's the way it is!

I may be wet but I got the last laugh

2005-07-16T10:28:00.000-07:00

Friday Night Fights 2 is now in the record books. It's a night I won't soon forget and I'm sure the fans won't either. I want each and every one of you to know that I won't forget the way I was treated that night either. I am an AWA official yet I was treated like an animal... locked inside a cage. Then for your amusement, I was hit repeatedly with water balloons by all the ankle biting munchins that showed up. And let me tell you I was watching and there were adults throwing some water balloons too! This was a complete outrage!!!!

While you people were all laughing it up I had to dry off and get dressed in real clothes. But all the time I was thinking about how I gave you the opportunity to stop that madness. And what did you do? You chose to humiliate me. Well the whole time I was drying off, pulling broken water balloons out of my ears, and getting ready for the big main event, I was thinking how I could pay all you fans back for what you did to me.

I think I proved my point when I introduced the four people to guard the ring during the "King of the Road Match" with Garry Stevens and Ric Converse. That's right if you people could have been reasonable, showed a little respect for me, the AWA Representative, it could have been different. Much different! Instead I stacked the deck against Ric Converse by selecting four people that wanted to see him lose as much as I did. The Shadow, Corey Edsel, Mikael Yamaha, and Brad Attitude. So you fans got what you deserved and I got the last laugh on Friday night.

Your beloved champion, the man you cheer so much for, he had to pay the price for what you fans did to me... and for Mister Cross. I know Mister Cross wanted Ric Converse to stay the champion. I know that Mister Cross doesn't want Garry Stevens to be the AWA Mid-Atlantic Heavyweight Champion. I know you fans were crying at the end of that match when Garry Stevens had his hand raised and was presented the title belt.

I want you all to know that I was laughing with glee as Garry Stevens cracked Ric Converse in the head with his billy club. I was filled with joy as referee Red Jones counted to three. I loved it when I saw the little trouble making kids sobbing as Ric Converse laid motionless in the ring after the match and Garry Stevens walked out with the Mid-Atlantic Title belt.

You see you fans may have had a good laugh with those water balloons at intermission. But in the end... it is I who had the last laugh!!!!

And don't think this is the last time I will be laughing!!!!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

Parental Alert! Keep your kids home July 15th!

2005-07-11T06:29:00.000-07:00

I was proud to annouce on Saturday that the AWA Board of Directors gave me an over-whelming vote of confidence in the recent performance of my position as AWA Representative in the Mid-Atlantic territory. I was told that there was only ONE VOTE to have me removed and we all know exactly who placed that vote.

Now I will admit that AWA President Dale Gagne suggested to me that I should try to make peace with the kids that attend the events. Since the kids were the ones that actually started this silly petition to have me fired, I decided to do something nice for them. I had a bag full of candy for them! I mean come on, I know kids love candy. It was right outside of the parking lot... in the middle of Highway 62.

That's when my night took a downswing. Mister Cross (who obviously is jealous of the great job I am doing) interrupted my talk with the fans to say that he was making Friday Night Fights 2 (which was MY idea!) some kind of crazy kids night! It seems that "kids night" is going to be kids getting water ballons... TO THROW AT ME while I'm stuck, locked inside a cage!!!!

THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!!!!!!!!!!

Parents, I'm begging you! KEEP YOUR KIDS AT HOME THIS FRIDAY NIGHT!!!! Read them a book. Drop them off at the movies. Send them to visit family. It doesn't matter but whatever you do, don't bring them to Friday Night Fights and let them throw water ballons at me!!!!!!

Seriously, this has me about as mad as one human being can be! Locked inside a cage! Like an animal! I'm an AWA Representative!!!! It's not befitting of my stature in the least! I am a scholar and a gentleman. I wear a suit and tie. I'm ABOVE such childishness! This has got to be stopped and believe me I'm working on it right now!

I've called AWA General Manager Nick Bockwinkel at least fifteen times on Sunday. He should be returning my call any time now. I'm sure he will not let this happen.

I've called AWA President Dale Gagne at least twice that many times. Mr. Gagne is a very understanding man. I know he would never approve of this kind of conduct by Mister Cross. I'm certain that he will issue a ruling to stop this madness before Friday Night Fights occurs.

Ok I do need to touch on Friday Night Fights 2 as well. The main event is a rematch for the AWA Mid-Atlantic Heavyweight Championship. Now everyone that was there last month knows that the number one contender, Garry "Madd Trucker" Stevens was ROBBED by that incompetant goof referee, Charles Richardson. I had replaced him as referee when he was knocked down by Ric Converse and clearly Garry Stevens' shoulders were not even on the mat. That is why I refused to count. Richardson, who is blind in one eye and can't see in the other, counted to three and awarded the bout to Converse. Let's be honest here, it was a travesty of justice!

This time I've taken steps to remove any chance of controvery. The match will be fought under "King of the Road" rules. Just like in the truckstops, when truckers have a dispute, they circle the trucks, and let the two fight it out until there's a definitive winner. In wrestling, it means there will be no disqualifications and there will be four other people around the ring. One person on each side to insure that the action stays in the ring. If Ric Converse tries to escape, he will be kicked, punched, and thrown back. If Garry Stevens accidently slips and falls out of the ring... well that won't happen.

Those four people have an important role in this match. That is why I am going to select the four people at ringside. It will insure that there is no controversy and that we have a decisive winner. No excuses! And no blind referee this time. I will make sure the best referee on staff is assigned this match.

I'm just laying down the law. And the law says kids should be in bed by 9pm on a Friday night which means DON'T LET YOUR KIDS COME TO FRIDAY NIGHT FIGTHTS THIS FRIDAY!!!!!!!

Laying Down the Law

2005-07-04T14:42:00.000-07:00

As everyone should know, I am the AWA Representative here in the Mid-Atlantic territory and in charge of making sure that the rules and regulations of the AWA are enforced and also to make sure that the championship contracts are properly conducted.

It seems that a lot of kids took it upon themselves to start a petition to have me fired! I do not take kindly to this behavior, especially from little ankle-biting munchins!

This Saturday night, July 9th, at the Carolina Sports Arena, I have been informed there will be a special announcement concerning my future.

Let me be perfectly clear here... I am only doing my job! I have to enforce the rules and regulations of the AWA whether the wrestlers, Commissioner Cross, or any of the fans like it or not. I am a FAIR and HONEST person and if I lose my job because of that petition... well you better believe I will NOT stand for it!!!!!

When that phone call comes in from AWA President Dale Gagne, I am confident that he will tell Commissioner Cross to announce that I have been doing a tremendous job and it really wouldn't suprise me at all to hear that I am getting a promotion!

See you all at the matches this Saturday and do me a favor... keep those rug rats on a leash!