Thursday, October 27, 2005

Trick or Treat

It took me two hours to wash out all that junk that got all over me and all IN MY HAIR from the trash can match. That was the most sick, most disgusting, most filthly thing I've ever had the misfortune to happen to me. You fans make me want to vomit as much as all the nasty trash you put in the trash can did.

Gemini Kid you must have doubled up on your Geritol, watched all five Rocky movies in a row, and got a call from Cindy to hype you up to be able to win that match. It was dumb luck, I slipped on a banana peal some slob dropped on the floor, a miracle, there's just no other way to explain how you won that match. Don't think it's over. Sean Powers offered you a choice... I offered you a choice... and you turned it down to suck up to the fans at the Sports Arena.

Mister Cross, you may have fired me, but Devil's Night is upon us, and I've got quite a treat for you and the fans.


Thursday, October 13, 2005

Taking out the trash

Finally I have within my grasp to get rid of a wrestler that has long went past his shelf life in the ring, one Gemini Kid. That's right I made the match and I'm no fool. I've been preparing for this opportunity for longer than anyone would realize. You all thought I was just a meek and humble "office boy" but in reality I've been getting ready to really make my mark in the wrestling world... in the ring!

This weekend I'll have to get a little dirty. You see it's the first ever TRASH CAN MATCH in CWF Mid-Atlantic. And who better to deposit in the trash than the biggest piece of garbage around, Gemini Kid.

I don't normally soil my hands with such common work, that's just what those fans that cheer for Gemini, Ric Converse, Jesse Ortega, Ultra Dragon, and the rest of those goofs do every day. Take out the garbage, clean the toilets, stuff I would never normally do under any circumstances.

But if I have to get a little trash splattered on me in order to stuff that big head of Gemini Kid's into the garbage, it's worth the sacrifice. Because when they haul that trash out this Saturday night, they'll be hauling him out forever!!!! Yes, not only will he be dumped in the trash can, but Gemini Kid will also be FIRED when I win the match!!!!

Oh this is a joyous weekend for sure! I'll be looking for some lucky lady to fix my hair back into place should it get moved out of place during the match. God forbid some nasty tobacco juice splashes up on it when I toss that garbage Gemini into the can.

I really don't want to talk about anything else because I'm so focused on eliminating Gemini Kid forever, but I will touch on it a little. Mister Cross, trying to pull rank on me, ME, the AWA Representative by setting up those title bouts this weekend... let's just say I'm not going to stand for that!!! You may get your way this weekend, but don't gloat for long, because I'll have your job next once I get rid of your #1 boy on Saturday night.

I don't know who did this and put it up on, but it isn't funny at all. Those girls are probably trash just like Gemini Kid if they would pose for a picture to support him like that! You people make me sick!!!!!

Laugh it up while you can, because I'll get the last laugh on Saturday night when I dump you in the trash, win the match, and fire your @ss!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Let's get ready to rumble

Looking in the mirror today at my manly chest (some lucky lady may get to touch it too), I'm still sporting some hand prints courtesy of Jesse Ortega. CWF Mid-Atlantic made their first appearance in Henderson, NC at the Raleigh Rd. Drive-In. Mister Cross was quite full of himself, putting me in a singles match against Ortega. Well Cross, let me tell you something, I've been getting some top notch wrestling training, but I'm not ready to disclose from whom.

Needless to say, I gave that "El Fuego" a dose of cold water to cool his flames. I bet Gemini Kid was laughing it up too as his protoge blistered my pecs. That's all fine, you guys have a good laugh. We'll see who's laughing this Saturday night at the Carolina Sports Arena in Burlington. It's time for the annual CWF Rumble. A lot of things can be settled in that. I think it just might be the dawning of a new era in CWF Mid-Atlanitc and you better believe that Michael McAllister is leading that charge.

30 people enter, only 1 survives to claim a shot at any Mid-Atlantic Champion. Well here is my predictions for the night...

RGL Title Match: Kid Justice (c) vs. Ultra Dragon

I sure did enjoy Sean Powers beating that masked maniac last time at the CSA. Whipping him with the chain, choking him with the chain, oh yeah that was some Ultra @ss Kicking! Something about that Dragon I just don't like. Mister Cross FIRED Sean for this, I say he should have been given a raise instead! I predict that Kid Justice clips the wings of Ultra Dragon and retains his belt. I've liked this new attitude by Justice and hopefully he will continue to follow that path of "winning is all that matters."

AWA Mid-Atlantic TV Title Match: Mitch Connor (c) vs. ???

Hmmm... I wonder who will have their name drawn to face "A Very Handsome Man" in his first title defense since winning the belt and putting out the fire of Jesse Ortega? My, oh my, I wonder. You know what it doesn't matter who because Connor will win and keep the belt. He loves being a champion (and who really wouldn't). In the locker room last week he never took it off... even though he took everything else off.

AWA Mid-Atlantic Heavyweight Title Match: Garry Stevens (c) vs. Jesse Ortega

Fresh off of scoring the upset of his life and pinning the Madd Trucker to win the 2005 Johnny Weaver Cup, Ortega is cashing in his guaranteed title match for the number one title belt in all of the Mid-Atlantic territory, and quite frankly the stepping stone to the AWA World Heavyweight Title. Ortega, payback is coming to you in spades. You think my chest is hurting, wait until Stevens gets you in the ring again. He's mad (and so I am) and you're going to pay big. Ever seen a little old lady on a walker crossing I-40 as an 18-wheeler comes speeding up at 120mph? That little old lady is Jesse Ortega. You already know who is driving that big rig. Whoop! Whoop!

5th Annual CWF Rumble

30 entries but only 1 winner. Mister Cross has randomly selected the order of entry. Well I don't believe that for a second. I'm willing to bet that Mister Cross has hand-picked the #30 spot for his golden boy, Ric Converse. Well don't even think about it! I guaranteed Mikael Yamaha that spot and he's gonna get it because Brad Stutts' momma gave me another check (you can count on me this time Brad for real!). I really think it would be in everyone's best interest if I selected the order of entry... by random selection of course. Well except for #30 and that is Yamaha's.

Now I know that Gemini Kid has been reading this and he's mad. Yeah do something about it old man. Somehow he's pulled #30 every single year. Well this year your luck is running out. You're number is going in the trashcan. And when I get my hands on you again (and I will) I'm putting your old broke down body in the trash too. I bet Cindy won't like it when you show up smelling like garbage. You can always give her my card, she deserves a real man like me anyhow.

So who's winning the rumble? I predict the following final four: Mikael Yamaha, Tank Lawson, Alex Adonis and Donnie Dollar$. May the best man win! (just kidding Brad!) Yamaha will be able to do what pitiful Gemini has never been able to do in the #30 spot, and that is WIN!

Oh yeah, expect a HUGE announcement from good ol' me this Saturday night. I aim to please the fans so you can expect to be plenty happy when you see me just leave those little kiddies at home.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

There's a tear in my beer

All I can say is "I told you so!"

Oh what a delight it was to see those little kiddies crying after the main event on Sept. 17th at the Sports Arena. Poor, poor, hero to the masses, Ric Converse had his dreams squashed like a bug on the windshield of the Madd Trucker's semi. The fans were all crying and sobbing, you'd think it was a funeral going on. Yes I will admit that Converse had Corino pinned... twice. But the ref was down and out (and not because of the bottle this week, Mister Cross should have assigned a competent referee like Red Jones but alas...) so as they say, "that's the breaks, that's the breaks."

Now Steve Corino is one classy champ. He's the AWA World Heavyweight Champion and good reason too. Anyone who watched the match knows full well why he is the REAL World Champion. Hats off to Corino for busting his tail defending that title all over. And a big thumbs up for making sure that Ric Converse didn't win it.

I also want to address that rematch Corino "gave" Converse. I am going to do everything in my power to make sure that the AWA Mid-Atlantic Heavyweight Champion gets that return match. And that means Garry "Madd Trucker" Stevens will get it!!!!! I am afterall the AWA Representative and I lay down the law here, like it or not.

But back to funerals... I'm going to plan one for the middle-aged and crazy Gemini Kid. I'm counting down the days until we return to the Carolina Sports Arena on October 1st. I have a special surprise planned... well let's just say your lucky streak in the Rumble drawings might not be so lucky this year.

I'm about ready to put on the tights again, Gemini. While you're out on the town in Las Vegas, I've been in the gym. You see the next time I get you in the ring... and it will be sooner than later... I'm going to make you pay. And pay big-time you piece of garbage!

Tell you what, I'll buy you a beer... you supply the tears.


I was so worked up about my little suprise I forgot to congratulate the NEW AWA Mid-Atlantic Television Champion, "A Very Handsome Man" Mitch Connor. Yes, it finally happened! The streak that took a life of its own. "El Fuego" Jesse Ortega dodged so many bullets defending that title he should be renamed "Bullet Proof" Jesse Ortega.

Well until Mitch finally stopped the successful title defense streak. And it couldn't have been a better man to do it! Way to go, Mitch! I heard that somebody in Wisconsin has a block of cheese on eBay that looks just like him wearing the TV Title! Talk about a premonition!!! I think the Golden Nugget has offered 10-grand for it already.

Now I spoke to Mitch after he won the title and he put the the Mayor of Milwaukee on hold while I was talking to him, but the mayor is going to have a parade for him, present him with the key to the city, he even is supposed to start doing commercials for the Milwaukee Tourism Council! I mean that is the way a city shows they are proud of their own!!! I can't wait to get the TV footage as I am going to personally insert it into the lineup to air. He's a hero to all of Wisconsin, he's my hero, and he should be your hero too!!!!!

Thursday, September 15, 2005

From the ashes... or in this case the trash

The gossip going around the lockerroom this week has been hot and heavy about this weekend's huge "SuperClash" event. For the first time ever, the AWA World Heavyweight Title will be defended in Burlington, NC, and let me tell you it's got everyone talking. Mister Cross has informed me that the reserved seats are moving quickly. Now this is good. I'm glad to see the Sports Arena full of fans... as long as they are not under-aged little munchkins.

So this Saturday history will be made as Steve Corino defends against Ric Converse. You can't imagine how happy I will be to see Corino beat Converse back down to size. You see Converse is the "golden boy" of all the fans of the Carolina Sports Arena and it's no surprise that he receives preferential treatment from Mister Cross either. Mister Cross protected Converse for many months, keeping Garry Stevens from getting his rightful title shot for the Mid-Atlantic Title. Thanks to my fairness, I gave Garry that opportunity and he came through with flying colors to collect the belt and send Converse to the back of the line where he belongs.

When AWA President Dale Gagne was here for the light heavyweight tournament, I made it a point to tell him who I thought should get a title match against Corino. And you can bet it wasn't Ric Converse! I told President Gagne that there were only two deserving challengers here... Garry Stevens and Corey Edsel. After consulting with manager Brad Stutts (who I might add is looking even more dapper than ever in his new attire) and his mother, I decided that Edsel was the man that should get the match (by the way Brad, no refunds on that check, sorry).

I thought everything was all set. Since afterall I am the AWA Representative for the Mid-Atlantic territory, it was a lock. Then Mister Cross pulled another fast one on me. You see he and the AWA Board of Directors went behind my back and selected Ric Converse for the World Title match, AGAINST MY WISHES I MIGHT ADD!

So now we're only days away from the match. I have to admit that Converse has been putting in a lot of extra time preparing for this match... and he should. It's for the World Heavyweight Championship. A REAL World Heavyweight Championship!

So Ric, you give your best Saturday night. But don't be mad that I'll be pulling for Steve Corino and hoping that he crushes your dream. I want to see that pain in Mister Cross' eyes. I want to see those little kids cry. I want to see you go down in defeat! But all I hear is that "Ric can do it" and "Ric has Corino's number" and all kinds of talk about how Ric Converse is going to win the World Title this Saturday night! It's enough to drive me mad! I don't care what everyone is saying, I'm saying it can't be done!!!!!

Wow this is really getting me upset. But not nearly as upset as when I think about the trash. You know, that garbage that you can't seem to get rid of. The stuff the garbage man won't pick up when you leave it by the road. Enough metaphors already, I'm talking about that middle-aged fool, the Gemini Kid.

I heard that you were a little upset about what I wrote about you last time. Tell Cindy I said "hi."

Gemini Kid don't think that my crusade is only here on this blog. My crusade has just begun. Very soon you're going to find yourself swimming in the trash that the fans leave behind. Very soon you're going to find yourself in the ring across from me again. And the next time, there will be a very different outcome. Bet on it just like I'm betting on Corino this Saturday night.


I was not to pleased to read about me supposedly giving "A Very Handsome Man" Mitch Connor extra title matches against Mid-Atlantic TV Champ Jesse Ortega. It is simply the luck of the draw. Connor's name just happens to keep getting randomly selected. I guess he's as lucky as he is handsome. If I was stacking the deck, I'd select myself because I would love to be the one to end Ortega's streak and then I could laugh in Gemini Kid's face about it too. So there.

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

No more Mr. Nice Guy

Well I've had to miss a few weeks posting here because I've been in the gym hitting the weights and doing some super secret wrestling training. No smart remarks you lazy potato chip eating buffalos! You see I was in the main event at Friday Night Fights 3 where I took an unfortunate pinfall loss to Brad Attitude and the unworthy of a rematch for the Mid-Atlantic Heavyweight Championship, Ric Converse.

There was definitely a plan but I think there was translation snafu between the greatest Mid-Atlantic Champ Garry Stevens, Little Billy, and myself, which ended up costing us the match and also ended up giving Brad Attitude a title shot against Garry. Not that I'm worried, as long as Ric Converse doesn't get a shot all is well with the world. Mister Cross protected Converse far too long and now he can see how Garry Stevens felt for so long being held back.

On to more recent encounters. I was the guest on Gemini Kid's "Hot Seat" interview segment last Saturday night at the Sports Arena. I bet the ratings hit a new all time high! As I pointed out how sorry Gemini Kid has been lately, what with him flying out to Las Vegas every time UFC has a fight to hang out with his buddy Ken Shamrock and his questionable relationship with over-the-hill supermodel Cindy Crawford, he seemed to get a little bit of spark back in his eyes. Seeing that, I gratiously offered to set him up in a title match for the night (which he doesn't deserve, remember I gave him a title shot before and he blew it).

Well you would think that middle-aged-and-crazy fool would jump at that opportunity. What does he do? Instead he brings out Mister Cross and those two conspire to put me in a match with Gemini Kid later in the evening! Talk about getting blindsided! What kind of preparation did I have??? Completely unfair and biased but that is what I expect from Mister Cross and Gemini Kid.

You think I was scared? Not at all! Like I mentioned earlier, I've been in the gym and also training because I know how Mister Cross operates. I was more than ready to take out the so called legend Gemini Kid. And I told him to his face, I was going to finish the job that Mikael Yamaha started!

Needless to say I beat that poor old man half to death. I bounced him around the ring like the softball he is and I swear referee Red Jones must be half deaf because I heard Gemini scream "I quit" several times when I had him in the abdominal stretch. Now I know some of you silly fans will protest that I hit Gemini with a pair of brass knuckles. If anyone can provide conclusive video tape footage to prove this, I will eat the trash out of the garbage can at the next TV taping.

Speaking of garbage, you fans that cheered for Gemini Kid when he won that match make me sick. So sick that my war has only begun! I am going on a personal crusade to put Gemini Kid and the fans that support him right where they belong... in a garbage can! Did you see the mess those fans left in the Sports Arena? Hahaha soon you'll be laying in that trash where you belong, Gemini!

Now not only am I the best and brightest AWA representative, but I am going to become the legend killer in the CWF Mid-Atlantic.

Gemini Kid, I'm taking out the garbage and that means you!

PS tell Cindy to give me a call after I leave you in the trash so she can spend some time with a real man like me.

Thursday, August 04, 2005

This Saturday, Aug. 6th in Burlington

Big news for this Saturday night at the Carolina Sports Arena in Burlington, NC!

All you whining fans that have boo-hooed about Ric Converse not getting a rematch (and he doesn't deserve one) just might get what you want after all. I have been in negotiations all week with Mister Cross about what we can do to get Ric Converse and YOUR AWA Mid-Atlantic Heavyweight Champion Garry Stevens in the ring together. You see I determine who gets the title shots regardless of what Mister Cross or you fans think. It is my job to sign the best title matches possible. And while I do not think that Ric Converse deserves a return title match, I may just allow for it.

Let's just say that this Saturday night you'll want to hear what I have agreed to. Ric Converse.... you better listen closely too because I have a special surprise for you!

And he's not the only one I have a surprise for. Jesse Ortega, I haven't forgotten about you threatening me like you did. You better hold on tight to that Mid-Atlantic TV Title belt because your days are numbered too!

Remember - Leave your kids at home this Saturday night. They caused me all kinds of grief last weekend by constanting tattling on me to AWA President Dale Gagne and I'm sure this cost me the promotion that I deserve!

AWA World Light Hwt. Title Tournament Thoughts

Well the AWA World Light Hwt. Title Tournament is over and what a weekend it was. Whether you were there or not, you should buy this on DVD. It will be a Triple DVD set and should be available in about two weeks. Absolutely outstanding event from beginning to end.

Of course my favored selections didn't win. Gregory Vercetti had informed me that he was a 4:1 odds on favorite according to his "family" that handles certain friendly betting establishments. I took it on his word that my money was a sure thing and placed a tidy sum on Vercetti to make the finals. Unfortunately he was eliminated by Xsiris in the 2nd round of action. Xsiris you owe me some money for that!!!!!

I must say a big thanks to Utah's Stevie Slick for his support of me keeping my job. It was his vote from the Board of Directors that saved me. Don't think I won't remember that either!

Now that weekend I took it upon myself to make sure that AWA President Dale Gagne was well taken care of. I even had his car washed & waxed (and it was a rental!). I was sure that I was getting a promotion on Saturday night but much to my surprise he forced me to apologize to all the fans for my past behavior. Then he gave me a "new job" as the ring announcer for the night! Can you believe that???? Me!!! That is redneck Randoph Hedrick's job! This was quite upsetting to me and I know that Mister Cross and that stupid petition that the ankle biting munchins started was why this happened.

While I may not be happy about Krazy K winning the tournament, I must admit he fought like a true champion. And now that he is champion.... it's my turn to line up some challengers for him!